Hear Me Out, And Try Not To Laugh Read online

  “Yeah. Really heavy...”

  No, no, no, no, no, Haruhiro thought insistently. Stop. It’s awkward thinking about that sort of stuff with my comrades. It’s better if I don’t think about it. I shouldn’t think about it. If I think of them as men and women, it really does get awkward. But, well, with Kuzaku—

  Haruhiro glanced over to Merry. Hmm. I wonder. I don’t really have any decisive evidence one way or the other. Not that I’ve tried to find any. I mean, they’re free to do what they want, yeah? That’s why, though I don’t know what’s going on for sure, Kuzaku leaves the tent at night sometimes. When I quietly follow him, sometimes he and Merry are talking outside. Just the two of them. I’ve spotted them doing that a number of times.

  I dunno, but it feels like they’re making surprisingly little progress...? Though, that said, it’s not like they aren’t both conscious of each other in that way.

  Of course, they’re free to do that stuff. Haruhiro told himself that they should do whatever they wanted. He had only tailed Kuzaku those first few times because he’d been concerned for the man, as a later addition to the party. Like, that he might be feeling out of place.

  I mean, wouldn’t anyone worry in a situation like that? Haruhiro thought. I’m supposed to be the leader and all. So, from that, it seemed like Merry’s giving him advice, and I thought, “Oh, good.” But, is it just advice she’s giving him?! Is that really all?! If they’ve got something going on, I wish they’d tell me! I wish they’d stop sneaking around behind my back! I mean, I’m curious... I do feel that way somewhat, but, well, I guess it’s fine?

  It is fine—isn’t it?

  Like, you know, it’s fine while they’re getting along and all, yeah? But, if they break up or something, won’t that be awkward? Or maybe they’ll be able to compartmentalize?

  Will they? Haruhiro didn’t know. I don’t have the experience. No, I don’t remember life before coming to Grimgar, but I probably don’t? That’s what it feels like. I definitely didn’t have a ton of experience. That much I can say for sure. There’s no way a guy like me was popular with the ladies. I mean, I’m not now. Sometimes, I get the feeling that Yume, Shihoru, and Merry don’t even see me as a member of the opposite sex. And what’s wrong with that?

  It was actually more convenient that way. It meant that when something happened in the party, Haruhiro was the only one who could approach the girls with the same emotional distance that he did the guys. If things got bad between some of the others, Haruhiro could stand in the middle and try to mend fences.

  It’s a pain in the butt, and I do wonder why I should have to, but I’m the leader, he told himself. I have to accept it. I’m well aware that I lack what you’d call leadership skills. But a good comrade, a relatively good friend, someone who values the harmony of the party, and who, even if he can’t pull everyone along with him, finds a way for us all to struggle forward together, that sort of central figure... that’s what I aspire to be.

  Well, I think that’s what I’d like to be, if I can. Only if I can.

  “Saggy tits,” Ranta sang. “Saggy, saggy tits. Saggy. Tits. Saggy. Tits.”

  If I didn’t have stupid, stupid Ranta, and his weird, crappy song, it probably wouldn’t be that hard, you know? I’m gonna Backstab you, pal, Haruhiro thought viciously. No, ignore him, just ignore him. That’s always for the best. Everyone’s figured that out by now. Even Shihoru’s holding it in. Sorry, Shihoru, that you have to put up with that piece of trash. They aren’t even sagging. They don’t sag, right? Though, if they’re that big, you can’t fight gravity forever...

  No, no, no, stop. Haruhiro shook his head.

  The stone walls ahead were neatly carved out to look like buildings. No, not like, they were buildings. Quite impressive ones, at that. They had almost reached the kingdom of the devils.

  “Ranta, we’re passing straight through, got it?” Haruhiro asked.

  “...Yeah, I know already,” Ranta said. “You don’t have to tell me every single time. I just messed up a little bit that first time.”

  And because of it, we ended up in real trouble, thought Haruhiro.

  Haruhiro and the others set foot in the kingdom of the devils, which resembled a temple carved into the side of a cave. From the windows of the buildings, someone—many someones—was looking their way.

  Not humans, of course. While they were built similarly to humans, their legs and nether regions were covered with thick fur, and they had goat-like horns on their heads. They all had staves that they carried with them everywhere. They were called staves, but some were like bludgeoning instruments, while others had spear or sword-like blades on the end. They were all quite imposing.

  Baphomets. Also known as devils.

  “Hello, hello,” Ranta said with a forced smile, and then the exact same voice came back.

  “Hello, hello,” a devil said.

  Ranta hadn’t repeated himself. It was the work of a devil. They didn’t necessarily understand human language, but they were amazing at imitating voices.

  “Hey, stop that!” Yume cried, jabbing Ranta in the back.

  Another devil spoke in Yume’s voice. “Hey, stop that!” it said.

  The devils weren’t especially friendly towards humans, but they weren’t hostile, either. However, whenever a human said something, they would imitate them like this. It wasn’t clear why. They might have thought it was amusing, it might have been a natural trait of theirs, or perhaps they were looking to see how people would react. Honestly, it was a bit irritating.

  All the devils would do was watch humans, thoroughly imitating their every utterance. Before they’d reached this kingdom of devils, Haruhiro and the party had acquired that information. Frustrating though it might be, so long as the party didn’t start anything themselves, having their voices imitated would be the worst they would have to deal with. In that case, all they had to do was shut their mouths. If they were silent, the devils would be, too.

  Of course, that had been the plan. The devils had a great love for architecture and sculpting, and they valued their staves highly. However, aside from their staves and stone crafts, they had little of monetary value. There were a lot of them, too. Killing them would be pointless.

  Despite that, after being imitated just a few times, Ranta had snapped and started shouting.

  The devils must have interpreted it as a hostile action, because they had come and attacked. Haruhiro and the others had managed to escape somehow, but ever since then, whenever they approached the kingdom of the devils, the devils would gather around to intimidate them. In fact, they had been attacked twice and forced to retreat. Haruhiro had thought they were going to die one of those times.

  They went through the valley known as the domain of the three demi-humans to reach the muryan nest, but without passing through the kingdom of the devils, they couldn’t go any further. The kingdom of the devils had a complex layout. No matter how capable a party was, it would be difficult to get through it if they had to fight devils all the time. That was why they maintained good relations with the devils. Everyone did, and Haruhiro had meant to do the same, but because Ranta acted like a total moron, the devils hated them now. Worse yet, the devils seemed to have good memories, and they weren’t about to forget what Haruhiro and his group had done. Even if they tried to wait for that enmity to die down, there was no telling how long that might take. Haruhiro and the others had tried everything to get the devils in a better mood.

  “Ugh, these guys piss me off... can we just kill ’em?” Ranta muttered in an oddly cheery tone.

  “Ugh, these guys piss me off... can we just kill ’em?” the devils imitated.

  “He’s a certified idiot,” Shihoru said darkly.

  “He’s a certified idiot,” the devils imitated.

  “Seriously, man, cut it out...” Haruhiro said with a sigh.

  “Seriously, man, cut it out...” the devils said, even replicating his sigh perfectly.

  “But, seriously, this
has got to piss you off,” Ranta cackled. “Ha ha ha!”

  “But, seriously, this has got to piss you off. Ha ha ha!”

  “You can just plug your ears,” Merry said, her tone colder than ice.

  “You can just plug your ears,” the devils imitated, no less cold than her.

  “How about you try not talkin’ in the first place,” Yume said.

  “How about you try not talkin’ in the first place.”

  “Shut up, Tiny Tits.”

  “Shut up, Tiny Tits.”

  “Don’t call them tiny!”

  “Don’t call them tiny!”

  “This is going to drive me crazy...” Kuzaku muttered.

  “This is going to drive me crazy...”

  “If this is enough to drive you crazy, you sure are weak, Kuzacky! You beanpole!” Ranta hollered.

  “If this is enough to drive you crazy, you sure are weak, Kuzacky! You beanpole!”

  “Please, would you just shut up?” Haruhiro said, plugging his ears so he wouldn’t have to hear the devils imitating him. It didn’t help.

  “Please, would you just shut up?”

  I can still hear them pretty well, you know, Haruhiro thought. Is there something special about the devils’ voices? I don’t know why, but putting my hands over my ears barely blocks their voices. I’m not Kuzaku, but I really do feel like this is driving me crazy. Actually, if Ranta would just keep his mouth shut, nobody else would say anything. This is Ranta’s fault. Everything is always Ranta’s fault.

  Haruhiro struggled to maintain his sanity as they walked through the kingdom of the devils. There were lights shining out of the windows, so it was fairly bright, but the roads were narrow and twisted, making it hard to see ahead. Sometimes what he thought was a road wasn’t a road, too. There were a lot of dead ends. If he let his guard down, they’d get lost in no time. He had considered trying to make a map, but he had to give up on the idea. He didn’t have a good grasp of distances or direction, so it would be too hard to draw a map. It would probably be impossible, short of measuring everything out.

  A low-end estimate for how long it took to pass through the kingdom of devils was 40 to 45 minutes.

  I think we’ve been walking 45 minutes already, Haruhiro thought.

  The cave’s temple-like buildings had ended a little ways back, and it had grown darker. Haruhiro pulled out a lantern to light their way.

  “Huh...?” he said.

  That’s weird. Haruhiro stopped. He shined his light around the area.

  “This is the mineshaft, isn’t it?” he asked. “It should be...”

  “How should I know?” Ranta spat out. “You’re the one leading the way, Parupiro. We’re following you because we trust you. If you’re saying you’ve betrayed our trust and taken us to some weird place you don’t know, then that’s a big problem, pal, a big one. It’s your responsibility! Now ritually disembowel yourself to apologize, you moron!”

  “We took the right path... or we should have,” Shihoru ignored Ranta and agreed with Haruhiro. “If I’m not wrong, at least...”

  She didn’t sound all that confident.

  “Hmm.” Kuzaku turned around. “I don’t think you’re wrong. Personally, that is...”

  Again, not sounding very confident.

  “Wait, hold on,” Yume looked around restlessly. “This isn’t the mineshaft? Wasn’t the mineshaft like this?”

  As for Yume, it seemed she didn’t even remember what the mineshaft she had already visited several times looked like...

  “There’s something different about it...” Merry said, cocking her head to the side, “...maybe?”

  She didn’t sound confident at all.

  “It’s wrong,” Haruhiro said, sure about that now.

  The mineshaft.

  It was called the Grimble Mineshaft, to be precise.

  The name came from creatures called grimbles that lived in this area. They were like huge rats, but with rock-hard skin and shells on their backs. Some rare individuals had gold, silver, and diamond in their shells, which of course sold for a high price. However, because of excessive hunting, their numbers had dwindled—or that was the common belief, but it seemed that their population was showing a recovering trend recently.

  That was what Haruhiro and the others thought, anyway. This was their seventh trip to this mineshaft. The past six times, they hadn’t seen any diamond grimbles, but they had spotted a gold grimble once and a silver grimble on four separate occasions. They clearly weren’t on the verge of extinction. While they hadn’t managed to catch any yet, even the silver shells were worth a lot of money, so what was the harm in trying?

  However, whether it was gold or silver shells, it would be best if, once they succeeded in catching one and gained the necessary know-how, they managed to gather as many as they could and sell them all at once. If it looked like there was money to be made, a number of other parties would probably rush to the mineshaft. If that happened, Haruhiro and his party probably wouldn’t be able to compete. They needed to make a tidy profit before then.

  That was their plan. And they had come to the mineshaft to catch gold or silver grimbles.

  That was how it was supposed to be, Haruhiro thought. It’s been three days, though.

  They couldn’t afford to spend multiple days in a row doing nothing but search for grimbles. If they went too long without fighting a difficult battle, their combat senses would start to dull.

  Three days since we last came here, Haruhiro thought.

  “This wasn’t here,” he said. “Not last time.”

  Haruhiro turned his lantern towards what should have been a rock wall. The light was sucked into the darkness and vanished. It looked pretty deep.

  “...This hole,” Haruhiro said.

  “Like! I! Said!” Ranta shouted emphatically. “You got it wrong! Boroborwo! You took the wrong path! This isn’t the mineshaft, man! I mean, they call it a mineshaft, but it’s just an ordinary maze-like cave-like thing! They’re all over the place! This place just looks similar! That’s all it is! Use some common sense!”

  “No, but...”

  I didn’t take the wrong path—I don’t think, Haruhiro thought. I’m confident... But, well, why is this hole here when it shouldn’t be?

  It was three meters across, and more than two meters high. There was no way they could have overlooked it. If they’d passed by it, they would have been guaranteed to notice. It was a big, round hole.

  Haruhiro looked left and right. Because, like Ranta said, the mineshaft was like a natural cave, with nothing special about it. It had no special characteristics that made it stand out, nothing that he could use to recognize it at a glance. So, though he couldn’t say anything definitive, aside from the existence of this hole, it was no different from before, he thought.

  “Someone,” Yume said absently. “They came and dug it, don’t you think? This hole.”

  “Like they could!” Ranta kicked the ground. “Who’d dig a hole! Here in the Wonder Hole! Like anyone has the time! Think a little before you talk!”

  “You say that, but the Wonder Hole, it’s just a big hole, too!” Yume shot back.

  “Hm...?” Ranta crossed his arms and cocked his head to the side. “Now that you mention it, I guess so...?”

  “It might not have been a human,” Shihoru said in a conspiratorial tone. “There could be all sorts of creatures here digging...”

  “Wow,” Kuzaku said, poking his head into the hole. “Sure is dark. Y’think there’s something in there?”

  “Hold on.” Merry pulled on Kuzaku’s arm. “That’s dangerous.”

  Yeah, just show off how close you two are, Haruhiro thought— Or that’s something I may or may not have thought. No, I’m not thinking it, okay? It’s just really awkward. Though, it’s something I could warn you not to do, you know? Uh... maybe?

  But, when Haruhiro cleared his throat a little, Merry seemed to snap to her senses, turned around, and let go of Kuzaku’s arm.
/>   Huh? Huh, huh, huh? Haruhiro thought. Why is she awkwardly trying to put some distance between herself and Kuzaku, I wonder? Maybe it really is awkward for her? Did I get in their way? Maybe I should say sorry? Not that that’s what I was trying to do.

  Haruhiro sighed.

  I should stop, he thought. I mean, it’s almost like I’m jealous. Not that I am. I mean, yeah, I was interested in Merry. There was a time when I felt that way. But, well, she’s clearly out of my league, you know? Though, if I had to say whether I like or hate her, I’d say I do like her. Like, if Merry asked me to go out with her, obviously, I’d say yes. But that’s as far as it goes.

  I wish she’d just come out and say, “Actually, the two of us are going out.” That’d make it easier for me to accept.

  Actually, doesn’t it bother everyone else? Like, they’ve got to have more or less noticed, right? That something fishy’s going on between Merry and Kuzaku? Like, it’s plain to see, isn’t it? Or does everyone else just not care? Maybe I just care a little too much?

  Maybe I’m just horny? Haruhiro wondered, half-mocking himself. Horny. If I said I was like a wild beast in heat, that’d be too blatant. I feel like that’s not quite it anyway. What is it then? I want to be in love? To have a girlfriend? Yeah, maybe that’s it.

  I want a girlfriend.

  —Not that I could get one.

  “Yeah, this is the place,” Haruhiro said. “This is the mineshaft.”

  Haruhiro looked to each of his comrades. He thought, I want to dropkick Ranta. But other than that, my current party is more precious to me than anything.

  “But there’s a hole now,” Haruhiro said. “I dunno why. The question is, what do we do about it?”

  Now’s not the time to be saying that I want a girlfriend. When I think about Moguzo, somehow, I feel like it might be too early for me, too. I don’t meet a lot of new people, so it’s not like I have options. Besides, if I let my heart get distracted by silly things and have my head in the clouds, that’d be a big problem. I’ve got to keep myself together.

  “It could be a new discovery,” Haruhiro concluded.

  When Haruhiro said that, his comrades, Ranta in particular, got excited.